a change of pace

I just wrote and sent off my official resignation to the school district. They should have received it yesterday or today. I am no longer a teacher. :( Not officially employed as one, anyway; I consider myself a teacher in my soul and always will be. Up to this point of the school year, I've officially been on a maternity leave. That enabled us to take advantage of health insurance and sick days and also gave us a cushion to make a decision, in case something drastic and unforeseen were to occur. None of that happened, thank goodness, and now it's time to make it permanent. But what I thought would be an easy decision hasn't turned out to be that way. I feel the pull of my job much more than I thought I would...for a number of reasons.

When I was growing up, I always assumed I would be a mom who was at home with her kids, because kids were a lot of work, and so was taking care of a household. My mom did it, her mom did it, etc., etc. I think that yes, men and fathers are very much an active part of caring for a home and children, but the primary responsibility lies with the mother. One, it's a practical thing. Breastfeeding takes up hours of the day for a newborn, and I still spend roughly two hours a day devoted to it. Second, can I just say how nice it is that one of us can take care of all those errands that we used to have to rush through in the evenings, when both of us were already tired and stressed and the last thing we wanted to do was sit on hold with the insurance company? Now, I take care of much of that during the day, in a relaxed state, which allows both Brian and I to enjoy our evenings more.

There are a lot of things I will miss about teaching. There are a lot of things that I won't miss about teaching. There is no day off from being a mom. There are certainly easy days, where everything seems to flow, and terrible ones where nothing gets accomplished except a stretching of patience.

We went over the pros and cons. Money and insurance: Obviously, having two incomes can lead to much more latitude in the financial department, whether it is in spending, bills, savings, etc. We figured out, however, that my not working will actually save us some money, because I won't have to get gas for my 50-mile round trip daily. I won't have all those hidden teacher costs like buying supplies for my room because it's such a pain to get ones through the school's system and when you do, they're poor quality and you rarely get the budget money approved, anyway. No daycare costs, leading to (hopefully) fewer colds and thus, fewer doctor visits (and bills) for Joseph.

The time is huge. Which leads to the energy factor, and the focus of attention issue, and on to sleep. All major and very real considerations. I also know that it was a good job with a good salary and good benefits, and that in this world, it's not easy to just give that up. I know that this means I will have to look and apply again at some point in the future. That thought fills my heart with dread because I loathe job searching. And, for Pete's sake, I'm still paying off my student loan from grad school. I liked being a part of an adult, professional world, even if sometimes I felt like I was a kid playing pretend. I have less demand on me to write various things, but more time to do so. My brain is engaged in ways it never has been before.

In the end, I'm doing it for a few reasons. Prophets have counseled that in situations where it is possible, mothers should give full-time care to their children. I would never have been able to write a blog this long when I was working full time. But mostly, it's for this: